Aikido Techniques – The Fallacy of Force On Force
In Aikido techniques we learned that the most problematic approach is force on force since this often results in a win-lose some Mario. On the mat we learn to blend with the force to avoid this all too common response. In daily life, we find that there are conflicts in relationships that parallel, in concept, conflicts on the mat.
Aikido techniques – Argument = Punch, Conversation = Blending
As previously described an argument can be thought of as analogous to a front punch in that the force is directed toward you. Think of the playground encounter — Bush often leads to shove and ultimately to blows. How does this happen? Escalation results from a force on force type of encounter. In aikido, force on force is replaced by blending or harmonization. In daily life this blending can be achieved through the application of Stephen Covey’s seven habits of highly successful people which is “seek to understand before seeking to be understood”. In an argument, one can choose to be right or choose to understand the other person’s point of view. If we are focused on being right there is very little seeking to understand or are listening.
Aikido Techniques – In Daily Life, to Harmonize is to Understand
If we focus on seeking to understand, it is the same as blending in that there is more there is movement with the loved one through active live listening. In addition, we can actually verbalize their point of view (possibly better than they stated it themselves). This approach is very similar to an aikido technique of redirecting force. Verbalizing the other’s point of view has the net effect of defusing a potentially volatile situation because it satisfies the individuals fundamental need to be heard and understood. Very often restating the other’s point of view can completely drop the negative energy addressed toward you and result in a desire to listen to your point of view.
Aikido Techniques – World Peace – O’Sensei’s Goal
This is precisely the same as the redirection of force in a kokyunage aikido technique to us, in daily life to redirect energy of an argument is to defuse the desire of the individual to insist on the point of view. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our world leaders could be taught the principles of redirecting through the process of seeking to understand. The end result would be world peace.